First year of university has ended and I’m waiting for my results. I just hope I don’t fuck up lul. Maybe as we grow older, we’re expected to process things and learn faster. I don’t know, but all I know is that what I learn in poly for 6 months is just cramped into 6 weeks of university classes. Sometimes, I just really want to enjoy learning again. To have a curious mind and take time to understand things that I’ve learnt.  Yet, I feel like I don’t have the luxury to do this anymore in university. Maybe I’m just a slow learner, I don’t know. More than ever, I’m just struggling in an ocean trying to stay afloat.

There’s nothing ever ‘okay’ about life. There are times where you feel like everything is going well, life is great, you love life. Treasure this moment, because it doesn’t last. Just as you are loving life, life will make you feel uncertain about things. And that’s the phase I am at now. Constantly doubting things, second-thinking how I feel and stuff.

I really can’t even describe how I feel, or what I am thinking.

Sometimes I just want to feel normal, to feel that everything is alright, and to feel that maybe I’m just thinking too much. But no. IDK, argh. PMS maybe? Moody as fuck.

You know how when you don’t know someone long enough, and you only seen a phase of his life, but you don’t know what the rest of it is really like? But then after you seen another phase of it, and you go like, well this isn’t what I signed up for. I guess I’m not receptive to changes, but I feel like… IDK. I know it’s either you accept it or you do not. I just don’t know if I can accept this in a long run. I just want to believe, have faith, you know those kind of things. Should I feel annoyed that I’m not included? I constantly question myself this kinda things. But I want to feel included. I guess others would argue that you should have time to do things you wanna do on your own. But I want to learn things you love too, and not just wait for you to do finish them.

I guess I’m weird.

There’s that, goodnight.

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