To once my lover R,

The first thing I woke up today, I sat on my bed, and in my sleepy state, reality slapped me awake. For the past few mornings, same routine has been going on. I realised I’m never gonna receive your morning texts again.

Everywhere I go, everything I do, somehow reminds me of you. Every corner of the city and town brings back so much memories. Everytime I stumble upon something familiar, a photo, a place, a thing… I look at it and only can reminisce of the good days and times we used to had. Loving each other’s company, not caring about the world, and for each moments were just more than words could describe.

When I witness something funny or meaningful, the first person I want to tell is always you. I typed it in the now cold and empty textbox, but delete it again. I remembered I’m none of your concern anymore. All i can do is just picture how you’ll laugh at it with me and add in stupid comments that make our conversation never boring. But your time, your attention doesn’t belong to me any more. How much I missed them.

Throughout the day, how many times I can only wish you were here with me, picturing everything we had. Dreaming of what we could do. Thinking that I heard your name and remembering all your good.

Every night before I go to bed. I lie there thinking of you, smiling to myself like an idiot. I want to text you a simple goodnight, but I hesitated. I delete it again, roll in bed with my head wide awake. Thinking and thinking and thinking, what will I do without you.

Have you ever receive my random text about the most ridiculous thing? That’s because I had you on my mind and my fingers could not control it.

You don’t understand do you?

If you’ve been wondering what my life has been for the past few weeks, even 2 month or so maybe. This has been my daily routine. Sometimes I wonder if things are really as bad as it seems because what we had really deserve to be fight for so much. Are we really not that strong? You think that I’ll be much more happier without you, that’s just because you don’t know how my days go by. You don’t want to feel guilty.

You don’t know how lonely, how empty, how lost I am.

And all you tell me is to let go of everything we could fight for.

 

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