So how’s life?

For me, i don’t know anymore. Things are gone like the wind. We are gone with the wind. It’s funny how someone can just decide and do it. No hesitation, no looking back, it’s like so easy for ’em; drop it and go. Why can’t I do the same? I mean like it’s been how many times i said life moves on for me, but then when it really happens, i can’t bring myself to do it. It’s just so difficult for me, like I forgot how to breathe like I did before everything happened. How was it like before? This few days were really bad for me, it’s like i can’t comprehend things properly, my mind was just on that and nothing else. Yeah perhaps I just thought maybe this time it would be different. I should have known I’d be wrong. I thought this was just a nightmare I had to wake up too, but when I woke up the next morning, nothing came back.

I don’t know what has become of me. I’m becoming the person I said I’ll never be. I guess people do change after all, even if memories won’t. Then again, no use holding on to ’em, because you’ll just be stuck in the past. I never took things I had for granted, I knew I had to cherish them before it’s all too late. But sometimes I really do wonder, had I hold them too tight, cherish them too much? Sometimes even the best is just not enough. It’s like, people say they won’t leave, but I guess they didn’t think much at that time. Once they think that there’s no point staying on, they just walk out of your life. And that’s it, nothing can stop them.

Y’know, i really really dislike it when people come to me just because for that moment, they don’t have anyone else for them. It’s good to be there for your friends, don’t get me wrong. But how about those who leave you once they have their friends back? Seriously, you only come to me when they let you down, now, you let me down. And really, i don’t give a shit if you mean nothing to me. But you were someone close to me, and perhaps i do assume too much cuz i’m like just another friend to company you when you have no one else. Maybe at times, I’m like that too, so I guess I can’t really say much either.

Disappointing. Just this month, this holiday alone, I’ve seen so many things in clear view. Thank god that I’ve friends that I can really confide to, without a need to worry about hiding my emotions and feelings from them. Maybe they aren’t a lot, like I can count them all with one hand. But i guess it’s really enough, as long as they’re real and true. What would my life be without them?  Holidays are gonna be over soon, and I’ve been spending my time watching movies, sorting out my thoughts. I hope that when school reopens, I’ll have the mind and inner peace for my studies.

My life seems so dark, but I’ll just have to find the light. Meanwhile, I won’t lose faith or hopes in myself, I’ll have to just keep standing strong.

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