Every little thing now is setting me back. Results are part of them. I mean, i know some are expected, but some are not. Like physics, the paper didn’t seem that hard, and I can guarantee i studied like hell for it. So much for that. Seems like it’s hard for an A or maybe even a B this time round. I know i know, it’s not the final and I’m not giving up. Fight harder? I got it. And another point, unrelated to results. I feel myself being darn dumb, very very very. Holding back tears? Checked, or maybe i’ll cry in my sleep.  I’m losing my mind, my heart, my soul. Okay practically myself. I know I may seem weak, little little things pushing me down, and i’m not backing up. It’s just that after awhile, you get too tired to fight any longer, you’re left without strength mentally, so you just let go. Then you collapse. You need to be love so badly, and you took it for such a simple word and you accept all the illusions of it around you. Only to realize that perhaps all these weren’t even true, delusions perhaps? Love didn’t meant love anymore, the situation you saw it to be were all lies. Now you’re looking all lost and broken, stuck in the middle of right and wrong, in a dilemma of choices that you ain’t yourself anymore. Choice, you made it yourself, you choose that path of life, but people makes mistakes constantly. The path you chose maybe weren’t even for you, but just for someone’s advantage, thus you find yourself searching for directions. Now that you got it all wrong, who are there who’s gonna help you up and say ‘don’t worry, I’m here’ downheartedly, to clean up your tears, tear off the mask you had on and nurse all wounds as if it can kill? Who’s gonna be there when you can’t find the courage to continue anymore? When everything is over, will the person still stay on?

I need ice-cream now, bye.

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