Can I go missing in action in life?
how about a break, just let me sleep for the whole day?
or perhaps just not be conscious around my surroundings?
Just let me get what I wanted most just for a day?
or to have all the fun, nothing about sorrow?

I had this bad dream today. This afternoon, when i was having my afternoon nap, i dreamt someone was about to kill me. I woke up in fear. I don’t get what am i so scared of y’know. I haven’t been studying, and that’s my own will. Is my excuse being no motivation? Fml much, life is so short but it’s been so screwed for at least 2/3 of the year, and at the end, all these will come to the very final. The end. So why can’t I just end it this instance? Why the hell must i go through ‘part and parcel’ of life? Darn, i tried so hard (okay fine in my opinion) before but what the hell is with the “I will say this about being an optimist- even when things don’t turn out well, you are certain they will get better.” Things freaking don’t turn out well for me most everytime, but i am not getting better. I’m not feeling not gratitude for everything I have. Just that their all secondary, while what life offers just can be bought with money.


And after everything, I’ve changed into someone i don’t even know, because i didn’t change willingly. Everything wasn’t like before, so i thought i had to follow. effect of emotions over-controlled? I don’t know, but how i missed the past. 

exams exams exams exams, i believe i can do it. for now, bye.